The Science of Silence
by RobinRocks
Summary: LelouchxRollo. Rollo wishes that there was something to truly tie him to Lelouch. Lelouch gives him that - in return for his silence. Spoilers for R2.


Written _in memoriam_ and honour of Rollo, everybody's favourite little Lelouch-obsessed, Shirley-killing wackjob…

I will miss him and his gay ways a lot. :(

Thankyou to **AutumnDynasty**, who very kindly, very thoroughly and very pickily betaed this for me. :D

(BTW, _why_ is Rollo not on the FFNet character list? For heaven's sake, even _Ohgi_ isn't on there! But Diethard and Rakshata _are_? Have you _ever_ seen a fic with those two in it? I certainly haven't...)

The Science of Silence

"You're happy, aren't you, brother?" Rollo asks; it's not that his tone is _pleading_, exactly, but there's a desperation in it somewhere (and it's not as though it sounds _wrong_ on Rollo, either – he has the small-and-pathetic act down to an exact _science_).

But then Lelouch has the art of _silence_ down to a science, too – he knows when to speak and when to keep quiet, when to strike and when to hide. He's calculating – every word or motion is carefully planned – and so when he answers Rollo, the same rules apply:

The reply is designed; and surely Rollo should have learned that by now.

"Of course I am, Rollo."

"She was only going to cause problems for you, I was just thinking—"

"I _know_, Rollo." Lelouch tilts his head, gazing long and hard at the boy who looks nothing like him. "I know why you killed her. You don't need to explain yourself. And I already… _thanked_ you, didn't I?"

"…Yes."

"Did you think I would be angry with you, Rollo?"

Rollo looks down at the floor.

"…She was your friend," he says softly (not because he liked Shirley himself and is _sorry_ for killing her, but whilst whether or not to kill her was not a hard decision to make at the time, now it's more difficult to decide whether killing Lelouch's friend was the right thing to do in response to keeping him happy).

"It doesn't matter." Lelouch unfolds his slender legs and rises gracefully from his seat, going to the window. "This is a war, Rollo. Killing someone who is your friend is not uncommon – that is the harsh truth of it." He glances at Rollo with a slight, unreadable smile. "…Sometimes," he murmurs, "brothers kill brothers."

Rollo clutches at the locket swinging serenely from his phone. That was a threat, wasn't it…?

"I know that," Rollo replies quietly; he looks up at Lelouch, lilac eyes wide and unblinking. "But I will never kill you, brother. I have sworn to fight at your side and for your cause. I will never betray you."

"What are you saying?" Lelouch asks lullingly. "That if there is any bloodshed between us, it will be on _my_ part…?"

"_No_!" Rollo leans forward desperately, gripping his phone tightly. "No, of course I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that you would… that you—"

"It doesn't matter." Lelouch gives an elegant, haughty toss of his head, crossing back towards the couch on which Rollo is perched. "When it comes right down to it, you and I aren't brothers anyway."

Rollo flinches.

"Don't say that—"

"But it's the truth." Lelouch's smile twists. "Don't take it personally."

"Please don't say it, though." Rollo looks at the floor. "I know we're not related by blood, but you're still my brother. You don't have to say that you are, Lelouch – just please don't say that you _aren't_, either."

(Just keep silent, he means. That science you've perfected…)

Lelouch says nothing – just as Rollo wanted, it seems. Instead he steps past, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Rollo asks, fearing that he has gravely offended him.

"Just to go take a shower," Lelouch replies, his tone tetchy and irritable. "You'll survive ten minutes without my company, surely, Rollo?"

"…Yes, brother."

"Good." Lelouch pauses at the open door. "Oh, and if you see CC, tell her not to bother me either."

"Yes, brother."

Lelouch says nothing more, leaving the room with a decisive _click_ of the door.

Incidentally, Rollo sees through the thinly-veiled warning aimed at himself rather than at CC; the addition of "either" implies that he wants Rollo to keep away from him too, probably _more_ so than the green-haired wench. This is very obvious to Rollo.

Lelouch is saying "Shut up and leave me alone".

In fact, maybe he'd prefer it if Rollo shut up altogether. Maybe he's tired of Rollo's constant addressing of him as "brother". They both know that Rollo isn't Lelouch's brother – that Lelouch already has a _real_ sibling, a little sister named Nunally…

_("Are you happy, brother?" Rollo imagines Lelouch asking; and he looks up at him and smiles, his lilac eyes meeting those darker, deeper violet ones, so dissimilar but for bleeding bleach known as Geass they both bear the scar of._

"_Of course I am," Rollo replies; and, and twisting his hands together, he takes a breath and adds "But I was even happier… when you were under the influence of your father's Geass."_

"_Why is that?"_

"_Because… you thought I really __**was**__ your brother then. You didn't remember Nunally. I had your love all to myself.")_

That's cruel, isn't it? To wish that Lelouch was still forced under someone else's will – that the sister he'd known and loved all his life had been erased from his memories like faint pencil strokes on paper.

Still… Rollo can't help feeling that way. He wishes with everything within him that the truth had never come out, that he was still fully installed within the older boy's psyche as his one and only sibling; that Lelouch still felt obligated to preserve a tie between them that was never truly there. He has a great respect for the science Lelouch dedicates himself to.

After all, silence is _so_ easy to shatter.

* * *

Lelouch stirs in his sleep, roused from his slumber by the unsettling awareness of a presence very close to him.

He doesn't have to look far to discover the culprit.

"Rollo…?" he asks sleepily, blinking up through the darkness at the slight figure looming over him. "What the _hell_ are you doing? Go back to bed."

"I can't sleep."

"Go get… some water or something, then…"

"I'm not thirsty."

"Well, go away, please. Stop… leaning over me like that, it's… really creepy…"

There is a very long pause, during which Lelouch rolls over and closes his eyes again, fully prepared to go back to sleep.

"Can I…?" Rollo hesitates. "Can I come in with you?"

No answer. Lelouch is either asleep, almost-asleep or pretending to be in either state. Rollo may be severely pushing his luck, but he takes this as a 'Yes' and slides into the large bed next to the older boy's slim, warm figure, settling against his back.

"Rollo," Lelouch groans sleepily, "go _away_…"

"Please let me stay, brother. I won't move around or anything—"

"For god's sake, what is the _matter_ with you?!" Lelouch demands, suddenly very much awake, and sounding thoroughly irritated. He sits up in bed, flipping on the bedside lamp so that he can glare down at Rollo. "Why are you acting like this all of a sudden? You've never done anything like this before."

"I'm lonely."

"You are _not_ lonely!" Lelouch snaps. "Don't you dare lie to me! What do you want, sympathy? Are you trying to make it up to me for killing Shirley? _What_, Rollo?" Lelouch grabs Rollo by the front of his pyjamas. "What do you _want_?"

Rollo gazes at him in stunned silence for a moment or two, shocked by the outburst.

"_You_," he whispers finally; and he feels Lelouch's grasp on his shirt loosen. "Any way I can have you. I want to be close to you. I beg you; acknowledge me as _something_ dear to you – if not a brother, then something else. Anything… _please_…"

"Why?" Lelouch replies quietly. "Why do I mean so much to you, Rollo?"

"Because you're the only person who has ever been kind to me. Even though we are not truly related, you were nice to me—"

"I was under _Geass_, Rollo."

"I know that!" Rollo cries in frustration. "I understand that things have changed for you, that you have gotten your memories of your sister back, but… that doesn't mean I have lost _mine_. All that time spent when you thought that _I_ was your brother… I've never had anything like that before. I don't want to forget it and pretend it never happened, Lelouch. …I _can't_."

Lelouch looks at him for a long time in silence.

"It's not that I'm lonely," Rollo admits finally, unnerved by his lack of response. "It's that I want your company. I know we're not related, but…" He clenches fistfuls of the sheets. "…_I wish we were._ You have no idea how much I wish we were. I wish there was something – _anything_ – that tied you to me."

"…I don't think I know what you mean, Rollo."

Rollo gives a deep sigh and looks away.

"I don't, either," he replies quietly. "It's just… there's nothing to stop you leaving me. I wish that there was. I wish… that you loved me the way I love you, Lelouch."

"And in what way do you love me, Rollo?" Lelouch asks dryly.

(Well, he asked. He shouldn't have been surprised by the response.)

Maybe Rollo just couldn't hold himself back any longer; the kiss certainly takes Lelouch by surprise and leaves him too stunned to do anything about it, but for the younger boy, it's something he has imagined doing before, many times – rehearsed over and over in his mind.

(Though maybe the reason it took Lelouch so much by surprise was more to do with the fact that Rollo used his Geass to cut out the time between his moving towards him and the actual connection of their mouths – presumably so that Lelouch couldn't predict the action and move away.)

The feeling comes back into Lelouch's body and at once he lunges, grabbing Rollo's shoulders and pushing him fiercely away, slamming him down to the mattress; the palm of his hand presses against Rollo's right eye, his slender fingers digging in to the socket to make the smaller boy squirm in pain.

"Don't you _dare_ use your Geass on me!" Lelouch hisses savagely. "Do I make myself clear, Rollo?"

Rollo gives a terrified nod, apparently as taken aback by this reaction as Lelouch was by the time-manipulated-kiss in the first place.

"I'm sorry, brother," he whispers as Lelouch withdraws his hand. "…I didn't mean to make you angry."

"No." Lelouch snorts. "You seem to be good at that, Rollo. Making me angry without meaning to…"

"I'm sorry," Rollo gasps, grabbing desperately at the older boy. "Please, Lelouch… I'm _sorry_!"

"Are you?"

"Yes, I…" Rollo fidgets with Lelouch's pyjama shirt. "I wouldn't ever try to make you angry with me, brother. I want you to be happy with me. I'll do anything you want."

"Well, stop doing that, to begin with."

"Of course, brother." Rollo lets go of the fabric immediately, bowing his head.

Nothing.

"_I love you_," he says in a strained voice.

Still nothing.

"Brother…?" Rollo raises his head; and as he does he finds Lelouch's hand splayed over his eye again as the dark-haired boy leans down towards him.

He kisses him; and Rollo grabs again at his shirt as he does so, pushing upwards against the kiss, trying to dominate. He even nuzzles against the hand blinding his right eye when Lelouch breaks away.

"I want you to be completely silent," Lelouch says.

Rollo nods. He understands.

Silent.

* * *

_(Rollo wanted something that tied Lelouch to him wholly and completely._

_Lelouch gives him that, in exchange for his promise of utter silence – both during and afterwards. He can't have Rollo speak of this ever, to anyone. To those who think that they're brothers, it looks like incest. To those who know that they aren't brothers, it looks like madness._

_Rollo was sent to kill him, after all._

_It's difficult to fuck Rollo whilst keeping one hand clamped over his eye – but that's Lelouch's security. If he's going to do this, he needs assurance of his safety._

_That; and… well, it's a big deal for Lelouch to open himself up like this to anyone at all, least of all Rollo. He wants to be sure that Rollo can't back out of this – that he can't escape if he's in pain or frightened or changes his mind._

_Because there will be no escape for Lelouch._

_Perhaps Rollo doesn't understand what a brother is. Perhaps he doesn't understand what a lover is. Perhaps he doesn't even understand what a friend is._

_So he confuses their roles and demands all three of Lelouch. _

_He __**is**__ quiet, though. _

_Lelouch isn't well-versed at this. It's probably clumsy. It probably hurts. Rollo either doesn't mind or is determined to keep his promise no matter how much pain he's in. He just clings tightly to the older boy and gives the odd tiny gasp or cry, so hushed Lelouch only hears them because they're pressed so closely together._

_This act means nothing to Lelouch. He doesn't love Rollo. He doesn't even __**like**__ Rollo. _

_In fact, dear little Rollo's days are numbered, as far as his "older brother" is concerned._

_But maybe he gets something out of this even so – a feeling of victory. Rollo was sent to kill him and ended up loving him. He turned his back on Britannia for the boy determined to bring it to its knees._

_Rollo falls asleep soon after it's over and Lelouch lets him cuddle up next to him; finally letting his hand slide away from his Geass-inflicted eye. Lelouch doesn't know if he's happy or satisfied and frankly he doesn't care either way._

_There is a tie now, however – which, all things considered, can only be a good thing:_

_Rollo is now even less likely to ever betray him. _

_He'll keep silent about what he was sent here to do, Lelouch will keep silent about the fact he's planning Rollo's demise even as the younger boy sleeps next to him, and they'll both keep silent about __**this**__. _

_It's a science that Lelouch has perfected – and although it's easy to shatter, __Zero__ has found that's even easier to keep people silent—_

_One way or another.)_


End file.
